by Anonymous

My unit was coming back from a field exercise on a bus, as usual because we always ride buses everywhere. We had all been drinking--a lot--and it's a very very long bus ride. It was about four in the afternoon- still daylight and very hot on the bus.

One guy (we'll call him Private Dipshit) has to pee. Bad. No big deal, we have plenty of empty bottles in the floor of the bus. He fills the bottle and everyone laughs, and he goes to throw it out the window. About 30 soldiers tell him how bad an idea this is (PVT Dipshit is very drunk), but he insists "No one will care."

It went out the window and someone said, "Well, they might," and pointed to the van behind us. It was holding our First Sergeant (1SG), Captain, and various other people who outranked us. The bus driver got a call, and immediately pulled over. Then van pulled over.

1SG got out of the van and walked toward the bottle of, well, you know. The whole bus, in slow motion when he is reaching for the bottle, screams, "NOOOOOOOOO!"

THANK GOD--1SG stopped short of the bottle and got back in the van.

We kept rolling. About three seconds after the van door shuts, someone's cell phone rings. The person answers and hears 1SG say

"May I speak to the fine gentleman who so lovingly left me a bottle of piss to pick up?"

"It's for you, Private Dipshit!"

All we heard from PVT Dipshit was, "Yes... no... because I'm a dumbass."

He cleaned the whole bus when we got home.