It's 1995.

I'd been in Ranger Battalion a little over 6 months, and for some reason my platoon is talking about tough guys. I come walking by and my SL(Squad Leader) goes "Hey Ranger, you tough? You hard?"

"Yeah Sarn't...hard as chewed-up bubble gum."

"Oh yeah? You a fuckin Badass Ranger? You a fuckin hardass? GO GET THAT TREE!! ATTACK IT!!! It's a Commie Pinko Tree, and I want it DEAD"

Off I run, charging the tree, screaming "RANGERRRRRR" and hitting, kicking, choking, breaking limbs off. As I beat it, all my frustration and anger from the last 6 months of being FUCKED with comes out. I'm really getting pissed, fucking PUNCHING this tree, breaking limbs off screaming, "I'M GONNA BEAT YOU WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING LIMBS!!!"

As this comedy unfolds, more Rangers gather to watch young Ranger Tommy killing a 2 foot round, 30 foot high tree. My Squad Leader is laughing, and issues a new command "BITE IT!! BITE THAT FUCKER IN THE JUGULAR!!!"

So, here I am, half-crazed, pissed off, and adrenalized now, kicking, punching, scratching, now BITING this tree.

"NYYAARRGGGOUWWWWW ROOOWWWWLLLLAAAAHHHH...FUCKIN TREEAAAGGGGRRRHHHHH."

I keep biting and biting until **CRACK** blood everywhere.

Oh shit, I just broke my fuckin tooth on this tree.

See, when I was young, I played little league, and got smacked in the mouth with a bat. They fixed the tooth, but it was never as strong ever after.

So now here's me, biting this tree with my bloody mouth, by this time here's no bark on the side.. blood covering my shirt, the tree, the ground, and I'm in pain, but too pissed to stop.

My SL and 2 other Rangers come pull me off this tree and I'm screaming "LET ME THE FUCK GO...LET ME GO KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

The next day at formation, the Commanding Officer says "And stay away from Ranger Tommy, he attacks anything that looks like a tree."

Only bad thing about biting a tree is that your mouth gets cut up. And wood tastes like shit. So do bugs that live under the bark. Oh well, I was as hard as chewed-up bubble gum.